| Barb |
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| March 29, 2008 at 12:52 PM |
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| #1 |
No matter what the situation, his child comes first. If you can live with that you'll be fine, if not you are definitely in the wrong relationship. A lot of the time his ex may come before you also if it has ANYTHING to do with helping his child. |
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| the new girlfriend |
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| April 07, 2008 at 12:54 PM |
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| #2 |
It's not the ex or the kid(s) that are the problem...it is the person you are involved with , if they don't have the ----- to move on and stand up for you. It was their choice to end the marriage and family - they must realize it will affect future relationships. Hey boys and girls... don't make more kids after a 'shotgun' wedding, or continue to make babies out of wedlock. Please Don't be so selfish...... |
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| Lin |
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| April 15, 2008 at 08:09 AM |
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| #3 |
Playing second or third fiddle to a man with kids and a selfish ex-wife is challenging. Second fiddle is OK, especially if you like your space, but third because the ex keeps butting in and wanting and getting more than she should is a tough one to swallow. |
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| Liv |
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| #4 |
You can't expect a man who has a child from a previous relationship to put you at the top of his list. He is obligated to his child first and the child's best interests...which is the child's mother. If you can't handle that, don't get involved with him. |
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| BEE |
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| #5 |
Hi there, I am dating a man with two boys from a previous young relationship where he was forced by parents to have a shot gun marriage. Needless to say it did not last. His ex decided to have a second pregnancy (lying about taking the pill) when the relationship reached rock bottom. This was his last straw and he left. he is still involved in their lives but she makes it difficult to have birthdays for him. We want the kids, him and me to celebrate together and even though she is remarried she can't deal with her not being included. She will say I am confusing things ever since I entered. It is difficult to handle at times because I refuse to yell back or name call all in the best interest of the children. There were many times I thought it might be too much to handle. I is definitely a challenge.
So here I always feel second because even when she is totally inappropriate there is little to be done since she uses the kids to control. And if I were to ever be rude I always wondered if she said it was his kids or me.
The reality is that if she loves the kids there should not be an ultimatum. We have decided that we are going to create a list of things that have occurred over time that WE (I use we because we have to be united on this) find past behaviours inappropriate. She needs to respect her relationship and ours. Acknowledge that things are different and will be different. The main concern is that the children do not suffer.
By confronting the situation together and opening it up to involve both couples, her husband will become aware of the severity of her actions and hopefully help her through tough times because it is not right for her to call and go crazy when we want to have a celebration.
I tried to do the friend thing but realized that it was destroying my relationship because she just got more comfortable being rude to me and two-faced that I began feeling less important in my relationship. I hope by confronting the situation and being united in this venture we can rectify things or have understand that we are together and she needs to respect that. Respect us.
I really feel that once we do this and just by us talking about confronting the situation makes me feel less alone and more united as a couple. I feel that this will mot be an easy step but it will make me feel valued by my man and make her aware that he cares for me and we are going to be together. WE can improve the situation for the children. Hopefully this will not make matters worse by possibly embarrassing her although I can't imagine them getting worse.
This is long and maybe a little vent but I do hope it helps. |
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| Bee |
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| April 14, 2009 at 11:29 AM |
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| #6 |
I want to thank everyone for their opinions. The update is I found out he had to lie to me about seeing his children the other day. It finally hit me then that he feels he needs to lie to me about seeing them because he knows the dislike I have toward the ex. The complications I fear could come and disrupt our future. So I did what I thought best - but the most difficult for me ever - I left. I don't want a man who needs to lie to me and I don't want to be a person that needs to be lied to because I can't deal with reality and the trust is broken with the lie. There is too much drama and emotional upset and I love him so much I had to let him go.
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| Len |
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| April 23, 2009 at 01:15 PM |
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| #7 |
Great job Bee. you did the right thing. You will be better off in a relationship with out lies and one you have better control over. Good luck |
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